I like seeing your name in my inbox

truth be told
I’ll take what I can get

sunlight stretches over my face
and I open my eyes wider
taking in the blue blue of the east river
feeling the warmth of your name settle into my belly

I know the sensation won’t last
so I relish it
as I imagine the way my poetry
would look in your hands
bidding my time
chewing on bubble gum

distraction called today
hopeful I’d give

but instead
I slammed the door shut
resolving to stop pretending
my feelings of desperation
or ones of true longing
true hunger

when in truth all I can hear
ringing in my ears
is “stop”
“go no further”

because the price
of admission into me
is now
heart & soul
mind & body

the many months of inward investigation
has taught me
to follow my guts

so the truth is I like fantasy smearing across my inbox

that is until I clear the fog
from my heart
keeping me in delusion
and lost

one day these new actions will pay off

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